I’m one of those people who needs to write things down to make them real. I think that’s why I write about love and sadness so much, so I can look them in the face and move forward.
That being said, I’m going to write out the promises that I’m making to myself for 2019. I hate the term “New Year’s Resolution,” I only conjure images of fad diets, full gyms, and “HAH I ALREADY BROKE MY RESOLUTION AND IT’S JANUARY 2” posts. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve made them and broken them as well. But this time, I want to reposition my thought process for them. I want to promise these things to myself as a way to give myself the love that I continually give others. So, here they go.
one: let’s get a budget together and stick to it. I know that it’s hard when you’re in college and don’t have a lot, but there is so much weight in having a budget.
two: save money to buy a home. Abbee and Madden deserve a big backyard and you deserve to get to paint your home whatever color you’d like to, to play your music as loud as you want, to have a true home.
three: read more. I don’t mean on your phone or laptop, I mean physical copies of books. You love to read, don’t forget to do it.
four: cook at home. Girl, this goes along with budgeting. You know you’re an excellent cook, just make an effort to do it more often.
five: keep fresh flowers. There are certain little things in this world that give you hope and flowers are one of those things. You need a little more love in your life, indulge in it.
six: be realistic with your relationship expectations. You don’t want to have meaningless relationships anymore. You are ready to jump back into a real, adult relationship. That doesn’t mean settle for the first person to come along, it means to remind yourself of the characteristics you seek in a partner and put them first. If they aren’t interested in that kind of relationship, move on. Don’t continue to corrode your heart with those who don’t have your best interest at heart. You are worthy of love.
seven: keep that 4.0. You have worked so hard to get to where you are. Keep working, fighting, and believing in your intellect. I know it’s easy to compare yourself to others, but try to be gentle with yourself.
eight: drink more water. It makes your skin glow, come on now.
nine: take new opportunities as they come. You get to start a new job this year! (If you’re reading this and didn’t know, SURPRISE!) I want you to take this opportunity and run with it. You can do this. Not only job opportunities, but every other opportunity, just take it! You can do this, you can do this.
ten: eat breakfast. It’ll help you monitor your energy levels and gets your metabolism where it needs to be.
eleven: do your makeup (almost) every day. Makeup is your passion, you’re good at it and you love it. Don’t be too lazy to use your skills and products. Make Jeffree Star proud.
twelve: yoga. Your friend who happens to be a yoga teacher (Hi, Hales) is coming home, see what she can teach you and take time to love yourself.
thirteen: kick some butt at Pop Culture in Washington, D.C. WOW. I am SO proud of you! Your study got accepted into this amazing conference and you are going to be amazing! All you need to do now is actually do the study. You have time to do this, make sure this is as professional as it can be and make sure you love what you’re studying. You are fantastic.
fourteen: stop biting your nails. Get acrylic nails as often as you can, it’ll help.
fifteen: work out 2x a week. I don’t mean you have to kill yourself in the gym, but make sure you’re taking at least an hour twice a week and 30 minutes every other day to exercise. Better skin, man.
sixteen: buy a washer & dryer. You’re an adult and your friends are tired of you using theirs. (Thanks Ali and Alyx)
seventeen: start writing your poetry book. You’ve always wanted to write a book, why not use your poems? You work hard on them, so let’s get with the program.
eighteen: take a trip or two. Let yourself let go, even if you just drive to Dallas for the weekend. You deserve to relax every once in a while.
nineteen: learn to say “no.” You don’t want to go out? Say no. You don’t want to date someone? Say no. It’s allowed.
twenty: spend as much time with your nephews as you can. They’re one of the reasons you keep breathing. Take the time to let them know how much you love them.
twenty-one (pilots): quit buying useless things. Shopping is fantastic, but don’t be wasteful. It’s not going to fill the holes in your heart, and I know that’s hard to hear, but it’s true. They’re just things. They aren’t love.
twenty-two (jump street): design more. You went to school for this (kind of). You pay for the software. You love to do it. Invest in it.
twenty-three (& me): be the real you. You don’t have to put on a show anymore. Be yourself. I know it’s really hard, I do, but if people don’t love the real you, who are they loving? Plus, it’s exhausting.
twenty-four: do more with To Write Love On Her Arms. Donate more, share more. It helped save your life, help them save more lives.
twenty-five: go to Meow Wolf. Stop talking about it and just go.
twenty-six: get more sleep. Manage your time better so you can get more sleep.
twenty-seven: dance more. Go dancing, it’s your favorite stress relief. You know you miss it.
twenty-eight: get a planner and use it. Your new job will require this, don’t sleep on the benefits.
twenty-nine: go to more concerts. You know City & Colour changed your life, make more of an effort to go to see your favorite artists. Cough, cough, A DAY TO REMEMBER.
thirty: trust the process. Some of your anxiety stems from your inability to do this. Give it a try, I think you’ll be fine.
thirty-one: LOVE YOURSELF. Love the you that you are now as you’re typing this. Love the you that you are in two weeks. Love the sadness, the anger, the desperation, the confusion, and the joy. You’re stuck with you forever, might as well get used to it.