I wanted to write something uplifting today, and then I got to work and realized that I’d have to watch the Hallmark channel all day. The Hallmark Channel famously has Christmas movies on repeat, AM to PM, PM to AM until Christmas. As a single little fish in the big ol’ holiday season sea, it can get to you.
Not to mention that this season has been coined “cuffing season” by our generation. What is cuffing season, you ask? According to Urban Dictionary, cuffing season is best described as “.. during Fall and Winter months people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be “Cuffed” or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be “cuffed“.”
So, in essence, this tends to make people (aka me) worry about any potential suitor coming around, because what if he’s just lonely? What if I’m convenient? Pretty much, holidays alone suck. BUT here is a definitive list of things I’m going to do this season to keep my mind off of the fact that I don’t have someone to bring to holiday events.
You are not defined by having a significant other. You are more than enough on your own. Love is wonderful, but you can love yourself just as much, possibly more, than you love another person. You’re loved as hell- don’t forget it
- Do a holiday-ish thing alone. The other day, I went to drive and look at Christmas lights alone. At 3 am. It was refreshing because I could drive as slow as I wanted, stop when I wanted, and listen to heavy metal Christmas songs while doing so. These are a few of my favorite things.
- Decorate for Christmas. I know this one sounds like I’m crazy and I’m just trying to be alone, but here are the facts. I love the Christmas spirit. I love the lights and the ornaments. I’ve never really gotten to have a CHRISTMAS in the traditional sense with the family and all that jazz, so I’m pretty used to being alone. But now that I live alone, I’m so so happy to be able to decorate my apartment to its full Christmas potential without someone making snide comments about my doing so. The creativity that I get to experience while I’m decorating is something I place high value on. I am the most beautiful when I am creating.
- Snuggle with yourself. I don’t know how we;’e gotten to the space in the blog where I sound like I absolutely have no life, but here we are. There is something so therapeutic about being snuggled up in sweats, burrito-d in a blanket, drinking hot tea, watching Bob’s Burgers. Giving yourself the space you need to be alone and be comforted by your own presence is vital. You are allowed to take up space in your life- in the world! You are allowed to feel warm and taken care of, even alone.
- Grab a friend. If you guys know me well, you know that I am so incredibly blessed to be surrounded with the most loving, crazy, gracious friend group that somehow still like me after all these years. (y’all are the loml) So, whenever I’m feeling the holiday blues, I just shoot one of my friends a text and ask them to do something with me. That something can be going for a walk, getting a coffee, sitting around and bitching about work, whatever you want it to be.
- Do something for others. Now, I’m no Mother Teresa. I suffer from the human condition, which happens to be selfishness. I try to be less selfish in this season and let people know that they are loved immensely. This year, I made custom-drawn (they look like a 3 year old did them) Christmas cards with things that helped each person with their mental illness/when they felt stressed. That isn’t much, but it’s what I can do. If you can’t have a romantic love, you can have a love for others and use my heart to display that to them. I encourage you to donate your time, as well. There are plenty of places and services that could use you- check out your local food bank, organize a coat drive, work in a soup kitchen, volunteer your time in any way you can.
- Distract yourself. I can’t tell you how many times I have rearranged my apartment in the last month, how many times I’ve painted and pampered and pondered and read and taken baths and a whole lot of other run-on sentence things. At this point in the holiday, I’m just distracting myself from the fact that I’m alone- and I’ll tell you, it hasn’t been anything close to bad. I’ve learned a lot about myself. Changing your room around can make you feel like a new woman (or man.)
- Accept the fact that you’re alone. Now, this sounds morbid, but I really don’t mean it that way. You’re alone on a holiday. You aren’t married, you don’t have any prospects, you have a prospect but you’re taking it slow and inviting them to Christmas parties may scare them off, (COUGH ME) whatever it is, you’re alone, sweet friend. That’s okay. Honestly, you’re saving money by not having to buy extra gifts. (KIDDING BUT NOT REALLY) Here’s the thing about being alone, you don’t really have anyone to worry about but yourself, your feelings, and your moments. It’s so easy to get distracted with all the gifts, lights, food, etc of Christmas. At the center of all of that, there are people that you love; whether that be family, friends, a pet, whatever- this is a season of love. This is the season that people actually step outside of themselves (some people) and see that there are people who may not have what they do. This is the season of engagements and baby announcements, of mistletoe and magic. Just because something isn’t happening to you doesn’t mean that you can’t be happy for whoever it is happening to. Don’t choose to be bitter.
- Finally, take a deep breath. This is just two months out of the year- you can do anything for 60 days, I promise. Time will move along and you will come to a new day and you won’t feel so alone anymore. Don’t get caught up in all the things you don’t have. Don’t let Hallmark movies, sappy Facebook posts, and engagement Instas make your heart hard this season. All of these things have a time and a purpose. Just focus on what you do have. You’re breathing! You’re alive! You can drink wine/whiskey/tequila/baileys/sweet tea/eggnog/what the hell ever you need to get through this! And most of all, you have someone on the other side of this screen that may not know you, but values your existence. You were made with magic.
Love and light,