The Flame and the Fat Girl

As most of you know, the mobile app Tinder is somewhat of a phenomena within the millennial generation (excuse me while I puke in using that term). For those of you who don’t know, Tinder is labeled as a “dating” app. If you’re a Tinder user, you know for a fact that the last thing that most of the people on Tinder are looking for is anything long-term.


I’m not saying that there isn’t one person that’s on there looking for a relationship… but the statistics that CEO Sean Rad has given to sites like Bustle are pretty unbelievable to anyone who has a brain. According to Rad, 80% of users are looking for a long term relationship. Maybe it’s the area that I live in, surrounded by two universities and many community colleges; maybe it’s the fact that the marriage age has increased in the last few years. It could be because everyone is an asshole, who knows? What I do know is that Tinder when you’re a fat girl is vastly different terrain. How is it different? Let me count the ways. Side note: If you don’t like things in numbered lists.. you don’t have to read.

  1. What You Have to Disclose In Your Profile/Conversations
    1. You’ll see below what my profile looks like. A picture that makes me look like I’m the grand duchess of hot fat girls, typical. But you’ll notice that the next picture I have is a full body picture of myself. Not only that, but in description, I have “chunky, yet funky, which means I’m plus size.” This is to just let boys (you aren’t a man until you prove such to me) know that I am not skinny. I am plus size, a big girl, chunky but funky, a fat girl, a fatass.. all the horrible things you could call me. I do this to protect myself from being harassed. If I don’t put these in my description, apparently no one can use their damn eyes and can’t see that I am not said skinny woman. (WHICH IS TOTALLY FINE AND I LOVE YOU ALL THE SAME, NO MATTER WHAT) My best friend in the world told me that she “warns” boys, telling them she’s chunky. What the fuck?
    2. I changed my featured image to the picture below of me in a bikini – my percentage of matches went down 43% in one week. 43%. That’s insane. I have a sweet, sweet friend that told me that I was just “weeding out the little bitches who can’t deal with a real woman.” In my mind, I was just being my true self. Someone who isn’t afraid of who or how she is; this choice was something that we’re all afraid of. What if no one likes me? What if no one thinks I’m attractive? As my matches all but stopped, I began to realize that even I, someone who doesn’t give a shit what people think, was guilty of worrying about this.


  2. Serial Swipers/Unmatch Response 
    1. So, there are people so deemed “serial swipers,” which don’t look at anyone, they just swipe through to see what they can get. I will admit, I have been guilty of the serial swipe, once or a lot. I understand the math behind it. Now, what happens with these serial swipers is this: I hear the Tinder chime on my phone, the screen reads “Congrats! You have a new match!” I think “cool, here we go.” I open the app and there is either A) no visible match or B) they smoothly disappear from my match cache in a matter of seconds. They have unmatched me- this happens at least twice a day. Which is cool. Preferences are everyone’s right, I get that. But also.. don’t make me think I’ve somehow bagged a 12 when I’m a very blatant 10, come on now. 
  3. Fetish Finders/Chubby Chasers/ Etc
    1. Okay, so here’s my issue. I am a person. A nice person that is pretty accepting of others, even if what they like it strange. But I am not a fetish, I am not something to “chubby chase,” I am not a fantasy, or something to pity. I get messages from boys, suggesting horribly disgusting sexual acts that they’d like to perform on me because “I like fat girls,” “more cushion for the pushin’,” or because “no one likes fat girls, I might as well do you a favor and f**k you.”
    2. OKAY BYE. I am totally disgusted by you and will be unmatching you because I AM A PERSON WHO DESERVES LOVE AND RESPECT.
  4. Match for Torture
    1. This happens more than I would like to admit. If you know me, you know how hurt I am when people make blows to my character. You can call me fat all day, but if you tell me that I’m a b**ch, have a horrible heart, that I’m stupid, things like that.. I will cry. I’m not afraid to cry, it’s who I am. I’ve been told how stupid I am for loving who I am. Stupid for “letting yourself get so fucking fat and gross.”
    2. These garbage boys match me to make fun of me (are we 12?) Not only are they the first to throw stones at my looks, whatever, but they like to tell me that I should just kill myself. I’ve had every comment from “eat a salad” to “fat bitch, I hope you burn in hell because you’re so fucking disgusting,” and everything in between. I just have a question for our match for torture males- who hurt you? Who made your life so miserable that you need to hurt someone you’ve never met? If you are reading this and this describes you, please do us a favor and go to a counselor. They will help you, I promise. I go, as well.
  5. The Golden Pony 
    1. As many horrible experiences as I’ve had with boys on Tinder, I’ve also found people that I’ve come to love on a deeper level than I could even begin to understand. In fact, my two most recent exes are from the Tinder-sphere. I loved both Wes and Nathan more than I knew how to understand. 
    2. There’s just something about texting someone, talking to them on a deep level before you meet face-to-face. Our brains and hearts are wicked adversaries; they love to act on things like lust, primal instinct, and judgement. While our souls are more likely to actively listen to someone’s personality, their passions, interests, things like that. Our souls connect on a deeper level than our eyes ever could. 

With all of this being said, you’re probably wondering.. “Tessa, why the hell are you on Tinder?”

The simple answer doesn’t exist. We’re on Tinder because we’re lonely, we don’t have time outside of work to meet someone, we like the attention, we want to increase our dating pool, but most of all, we just want someone to prove us wrong. 

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