Lately, I feel like my life is a tornado. Not a tornado like the one in “The Wizard of Oz,” but a real life tornado. The roof is being ripped off of my life, there is debris flying around me. My foundation is crumbling and there’s really nothing left to hold on to.
It’s in times like these that you begin to wonder when the calm before the store will become the calm after the storm; when the shutters will stop banging against the brick and the flood will stop consuming you.
These are the times when we need to be held.
I don’t necessarily mean physically, even though I adore being hugged on and held in that sense. I mean that we have to lean on God and let him hold us.
I’m a generally exhausted person. I think that you should always go to bed exhausted so that you know you’re taking every single second and soaking the most out of it. When our hearts are weary, we are too exhausted to extend breath, we feel like the winds are too harsh to stand in- we need to be held. We need to be protected and relaxed. We need to be held.
The problem for me is that it is so hard to admit that you aren’t strong enough. I am not strong enough in this moment to take on the weight of my burdens, and that crushes my spirit every time I think about it. I view myself as a SIW- strong, independent woman. I’ve always made a way for myself, even though the path looked rocky and unsafe. I have always taken care of myself, which has created this mock sense of pride in myself. I am consistently telling myself that I don’t need anyone else- and sometimes, that I don’t need God. I want to have control, therefore, if I let anyone know I need help, it’s an inevitable let down. I have convinced myself that dragging myself through life instead of being held is healthy and what I need.
But it’s not.
I feel that I need to be held when I worship. Something about being carried through melodies, not having to worry about what others think about your singing- knowing that you are singing to the one who thought it was important to have mountains, oceans, galaxies.. and you is listening and cherishing your voice is my definition of being held in the creators hands. This song by Natalie Grant IS being held (also coincidentally called “Held.”) It’s the definition of the world falling apart and leaning on, clinging to God.
Listen to it, I promise it’s worth it.
I was standing in a pew of a church I once loved. I was singing praise to the Lord that I believe in. The lead singer of the band stopped and the instruments sang low. He told us that we raise our hands when we praise because we want to be held. It’s like God is our father and we are his small children and we just want to be held. So I raised my hands, I stretched so high that I almost felt his hands picking me up. I felt peace.
I need peace again. I need a full heart and a steady spirit. I just need to be held.
So, if you’re out there – I know you are – don’t let your pride scare you away from being held by God. Don’t let your heartbreak scar your hands. Don’t let the burdens of your life make you too heavy to be picked up and loved on.
Let yourself be held.