When It Isn’t Perfect

I believe in fate. I also believe in luck, hard work, perseverance, persistence, confusion, disappointment.. I believe in everything.

In a world that is the furthest thing from perfect, it’s hard to believe that some things are pure, genuine, and whole. When someone compliments us on our hard work, some of us think, “yeah, but I could have done better.” When they compliment us on our appearance, we think “yeah, but I weigh more than her.” When we’re complimented on a promotion, we think “yeah, but I could be making more money.”

STOP.

This is the point when I yell at myself in my mind. STOP.

As a human, I am flawed. I am terribly flawed. I have made heart-pounding, nausea-enducing, ugly sob producing mistakes that haunt me; I have made small decisions that have altered the course of my life. The important thing to realize in the last few sentences is this – have. Past tense. have.

There are things you can control, like how many times you shower in a week, what clothes you wear, how you do your hair, how dark or light your makeup is, how your hair looks, on and on and on.. There are so many things you can control.

But you cannot control the past.

I am the absolute WORST at this ideology. I cannot seem to understand that I can’t change it. As I write this, I’m having this epiphany; I cannot change it. No matter how hard I work, no matter how much I mull over it and cry about it – I cannot change it.

But what I can do is learn. I can continually learn, grow, cry, work hard, and change from what I’ve done in the past. In the morning, joy will come. In the morning, joy WILL come. IN THE MORNING JOY WILL COME. 

It’s so cliche, but you actually have to choose joy. You have to choose it every day- just like every other choice. When you put on that adorable new dress, choose joy. Whenever you make the bed in the morning (if you do), choose joy. When Nathan and I fight, I have to choose compassion, patience, and joy. Even when I don’t want to, I try and swallow the joy pill.

We were never promised joy, but we have it. Whether your joy comes from being creative,(myself) going for a run, drinking a glass of wine at the end of a hard day, serving others.. whatever your joy is, I encourage you to choose it.

Now, don’t be mad at me because I told you to choose joy.

I’m not saying that you will always find it easy, or even that I do. I don’t find it easy at all. It’s a constant struggle between my anxiety, my inner voice, the people around me.. It’s a constant struggle. But when I choose joy, I see things. I see the twinkle in someone’s eyes when they talk about something or someone they love, I see the wind on the winds of birds, the electricity that is created when someone has a new idea.. I see things.

So, step outside of yourself.

Choose joy, my friends.

In the morning, JOY will come.

choose

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