Duffy the Third Wheel Slayer

Some of you other there are probably thinking, “what the hell is a DUFF?”

The Duff is a movie directed by Ari Sandel that portrays the life of Bianca, a high school senior rocking her own look and living in her own world. During this movie, it’s brought to Bianca’s attention that she, in comparison to her friends, is what is called a DUFF..

Designated Ugly Fat Friend. 

If you ask Urban Dictionary, an example of a DUFF would be “Two hot chicks at a bar will have a really nasty fat ugly bitch hanging out with them, referred to as a “DUFF”.

So, here I am to bring you 10 true, uncut confessions of a real-life DUFF.

  1. Guys generally talk to me for one reason. To get the name, number, and relationship status of one of my many attractive friends. Ex: “Hey Tessa, could you talk to Ali for me?  I’m too nervous to do it, but I really like her, so.. could you be a bro and hook me up?”
  2. I get completely looked over. Ex: Hey Ali, wanna dance? Wanna ride home? Want a beer? *bumps into me as I’m standing next to Ali* Can you move?”
  3. I’m the queen of third wheeling. Ex: I have really been on a date with two people.. who were on a date with each other. I held hands with myself.
  4. I’m the pity friend. Ex. “Oh, doesn’t your friend have another ride home? Can’t she call someone? Is she really all alone?”
  5. I’m never the attractive one. Being a DUFF is like being in Harry Potter and wearing the invisibility cloak. If I don’t make sudden movements, you wouldn’t even know I’m here. Or that I put on makeup and shaved my legs for this shit.
  6. I’m a bro. Ex.”Yo, Tessa, you like football, right? Of course you like football. I bet you could teach Ali some stuff so she could actually watch it with me. Did you hear about Tony Romo?” First of all, no, I don’t. Second of all, all I can teach Ali is how to fake cheer. Finally, no I did not hear about Tony Romo, nor do I really care.
  7. I’m obviously a cup holder. Ex. Tess, can you hold these while we dance? Tess, can you hold my keys? Can you watch my dog while I go on a date? Can you keep my life in order while I actually get male attention?” Yeah, yeah I can.
  8. I spend my nights alone. While my other wonderful, gorgeous friends are off going on dates, I’m shoving pizza into my face and watching PLL. Yay me.
  9. I’m the DIDD aka Designated Intoxicated Dates Driver. Oh, you met at the bar? You’re both drunk? Give me the damn keys and get in the back. NO NOISES PLEASE.
  10. It’s never me. When a guy looks in my direction, they’re looking at said friend, smiling at said friend while I’m smiling back at them. They walk over and I take a deep breath, thinking “this is it, it’s my turn,” as he turns and looks straight at said friend and sweetly says, “Hey, I’m the-guy-your-friend-kept-staring-at-and-really-wants.. it’s nice to meet you. Grabbing invisibility cloak.. now.

With all this being said, I’ll have to make a few comments.

First of all, I understand. I’m sure there are dude DUFFs out there. I understand that if you find someone attractive, you want to talk to them. Just please don’t make someone else feel non-human to make someone else feel super human.

Secondly, I always get pity dinner from my hot friend’s suitors. Match.. Set.

  • Third, I love my friends. I think they’re perfect and wonderful. I mean, look at them.

abbie al ali bre danie emily haley k'ree lex leyz4

So here’s the thing about being the DUFF. Yes, I am invisible. Yes, sometimes I come home upset that no one wanted to talk to me and only saw my friend. But the thing is, the right person WILL see me. The right person will see me, see my friends, and treat both parties like they matter, because they do. The right person will see beauty in quirky little tendencies, boisterous laughter, winged eyeliner, and a bold, caring heart. The right person will see my friends as a part of the person I am and will never try and take that away. The right person will be there for both parts of the night. The right person will be right.

So to all you girl DUFFs, you’re not alone. But you ARE valuable, honorable, loveable, and beautiful. To all you dude DUFFs. you are valuable, honorable, loveable and handsome.

Maybe someday we can have a DUFF-con. All single DUFFs, come and be amazed at the dopeness of other DUFFs.

Peace out, wilderness scout.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: